Review Time - Week of September 27th.

Ultimates vol. 2 #12

“Grand Theft America part 6“

The Ultimates fight back. In the middle of Washington, D.C. the two teams quickly pair off against their counterparts with Hulk taking on Abomination, Quicksilver obliterating Hurricane, and Captain America squaring off against The Colonel, Abdul al-Rahman. The fights are fierce and gory, with Abomination having his arms and head ripped off by Hulk and Hurricane dissolving after being taken for a ride by Quicksilver. The Crimson Dynamo, realizing that things are beginning to go south, sets out to kill as many civilians as possible but he and his drones are stopped by Iron Man 6, an arena-sized iteration of Tony Stark’s armor. Meanwhile in New York the X-Men, Fantastic Four, the Defenders and the other heroes are set free by the Captains Britain, France, Italy and Spain. The freed heroes then wipe the floor with the remaining Schizoid Men and Dynamo Drones. Back in D.C. Wasp uses a gift from her husband to become Giant Wasp and step on Swarm as Fury, Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch get the President, the VP and their families to safety. Cap and The Colonel fight, with neither gaining the clear upper hand until some Schizoid men grab Cap. Al-Rahman is about to execute him when Hulk throws Cap’s shield, slicing off al-Rahman’s hands and freeing Cap. Just when The Ultimates think the fight is over Loki makes his presence known by setting the National Mall aflame as he hovers above. He gloats for a moment before a thunderbolt streaks across the sky, heralding the return of Thor.

The Ultimates is, bar none, the best yearly comic ever. Kidding aside this was a great issue. While the concept of having two super-teams square off against their opposite numbers is a bit overdone in regular comics it seems a bit fresher since The Ultimates is such an irregular comic. Each team member gets his or her moment to shine, but the story (at least in this issue) doesn’t feel stretched. Bryan Hitch’s art is spectacular as usual, with several pages that just take your breath away.

Secret Six #4 (of 6)

“Six Degrees of Separation, part 4”

Vandal Savage breaks bread with Cheshire and Dr. Psycho, praising them in their effort to break his daughter Scandal, but chastises them for trying to actually kill Catman, (the man Savage wants to father his granddaughter) by serving them Grundy Steaks. Cheshire is nauseated but Dr. Psycho just asks for some Worcestershire Sauce. Meanwhile The Six, damaged physically and emotionally and matched up with the vastly more powerful Doom Patrol, manage to win out through luck, guile and a peculiar little man with a hat fetish. Mad Hatter (somehow) mentally influences the Doom Patrol, forcing Elasti-Girl to bite Robotman’s head off (I promised you all another decapitation) and Negative Man to have a seizure. The Six escape and return to the House of Secrets to convalesce but her father soon contacts Scandal through her dreams, demanding that she get to work making an heir for him. She wakes up and investigates a noise only to discover her beloved Knockout bumping uglies with Deadshot on the kitchen table.

Gail Simone’s trademark wit and humor do a lot for this book (Ragdoll looking up Elasti-Girl’s giant-sized miniskirt and Mad Hatter apparently pleasuring himself with a vibrating Stetson are just some of the highlights) but they cannot completely paper over the convoluted plot and awful art. Pitting the Six against the equally off-kilter Doom Patrol was a nice touch, but like every other battle fought in this series it just felt random and meaningless to the plot. I don’t like to slam artists but Brad Walker flat out should not be doing a book with even this high of a profile. Character’s faces change not only page-to-page but also panel-to-panel.

X-Men #191

“Supernovas, part 4”

Serafina, using her powers to interface with the comatose Lady Mastermind’s illusion weaving abilities, forces Cannonball to live out the perfect suburban life with her as his wife. They meet, marry and have children all in the blink of an eye before Wolverine severs Serafina’s connection to Lady Mastermind. She takes Logan down and makes her escape. Meanwhile Sabretooth tells the X-Men how he got involved with the Children of the Vault. Several months earlier he and a partner had taken a job to assassinate several scientists and in the process had stumbled upon The Conquistador, a heavily modified tanker ship that had been sitting undisturbed in the south Atlantic for three decades. Inside of the ship were the Children. Sabretooth barely escaped from the ship and has been hunted ever since. The X-men, utilizing Cable’s connection to the Global Infonet, determine that the ship had been licensed to a group of scientists, biologists studying evolution and physicists studying time acceleration. Together they created a sealed system to study evolution by speeding up time within the ship. In the 30 years since the experiment began over 6,000 years have passed on the ship. On the ship Serafina reports to the leader of the Children that she was seen, but the leader, Sangre, tells hip people that it really doesn’t matter and a conflict was inevitable. We then see the exterior of the ship, as it is about to fly into New York Harbor.

The art in this book almost kills what is an otherwise good story. Now Clay Henry’s art isn’t bad, it’s clean and he has a good grasp of anatomy and kinesiology but it also looks nothing like Chris Bachalo’s art. Character designs that were interesting and dynamic with Bachalo’s art look hideous in Henry’s more naturalistic style. Serafina looks like a character from a Tim Burton film when drawn by Bachalo, but with Henry she looks like a fat girl wearing children’s clothing. The story itself is nice, although if I have to endure another version of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ in a comic this month I may scream. The problem is the X-Men, other than Cannonball, don’t get very much page time in this exposition heavy issue.

Batman #657

“Batman & Son, part 3”

Batman takes the blindfold off of his son and shows him the Batcave for the first time. The child, Damien, is an absolute terror, aggressive, demanding, imperious and rude to Batman Robin and Alfred. After receiving a call from the Commissioner that The Spook (who I’ve been informed is a real Bat-villain) has taken the Mayor hostage Batman confines the kid to his room. After a funny exchange between one of The Spook’s henchmen and an undercover cop Batman finds The Spook’s headless body. Back in the Cave Damien is shadowboxing when Robin swings in. He offers to spar with the child but he refuses, instead pulling The Spook’s head, complete with a grenade in it’s mouth, out of a sack and throwing the whole thing at Robin. Robin dodges and the two fight throughout the cave. Damien gets the upper hand after Robin saves him from the mechanical dinosaur and sucker punches his adopted brother. Damien then confronts Batman on a rooftop dressed in an old Robin costume.

Have you ever seen Problem Child? Well mix that with a dash of The Omen (Damien, get it?) and you have the son of Batman. The story itself, while not bad, just feels…I don’t know, flat? I kept expecting something else, some twist, some revelation that just never came. The issue is also fairly un-Morrison like, with none of the wacky goings-on and metatext he usually infuses into his work. Andy Kubert’s art is terrific, as usual. The action and fight scenes in particular jump off the page although his faces still, after all these years, seem a little off to me.

Quick Hits

Justice League of America #2: The team begins to take shape and the plot thickens.
Ultimate Spider-Man #100: I read it 3 times and I still don’t know what happened in this issue.
Teen Titans #39: This issue is all about the Titans from the missing year. Unfortunately none of the missing year Titans really interest me that much.
Daredevil #89: Daredevil versus El Matador!